"Should" sucks! - Maggie Huffman | Leadership Coaching

Should sucks. It’s a unicorn killer, right?

Of all the things that we should do, removing “should’ from our brain is probably top of the list.

Not much good comes from the word “should”. Really, truly.

When you beat yourself, aren’t you usually using a big ol’ stick or fist made of should?

I know that when I’m feeling bad about myself, and I go in and listen to what I’m saying to myself, almost every sentence starts with “you should…”

Interestingly enough, it really is “you should”, not “I should” – as if the voice were coming from outside of me. But it isn’t. I think it’s just a trick my brain plays to make it all seem more legitimate, as if there were some outside authority giving me helpful advice.

Should just sucks. It doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t generate good.

We think it motivates us to change, but it doesn’t. Not really. It’s just a form of nagging, and how productive is that? Nagging on steroids complete with ‘roid rage. The beatings shall continue until morale improves.

Should just sucks. It’s the bedrock of self-loathing.

When I listen to the voice that’s beating me up, it’s usually saying “you should do __something__ so that you won’t be so __something bad__. Should almost always implies that we are broken, that there is something about us that we need to fix, that we should fix if we’re going to be… whatever we think it is that we need to be because we’re not okay as we are. But we are okay as we are. And from here, this place of being okay as we are, we can do more, be more, love more, give more, grow more, evolve – whatever we choose to do. Because it’s progress, not perfection.

Louise Hay says we can replace “should” with “could” and that will change everything, because we’ve just given ourselves options and then we have a choice. Maybe we will, maybe we won’t…depends upon what we want. But there are no beatings necessary.

This is not new news. It’s just a reminder.

And remember: in all things – progress, not perfection!