This week I finally began to feel like myself.

I didn’t know that I had been so far away from myself. Until I appeared. It wasn’t gradual. I was just suddenly there again. I don’t know how else to describe it. I was back after a couple of months away. Or an important part of me, at least.

This part of me is the one who can motivate me to do things that are good for me. The things that I want to do, but I have to create some energy or desire or time to do. Maggie’s motivation, I guess.

I saw this in an email today: “I know for me, I tend to cope with anxiety by under-functioning. A vicious cycle of withdrawing, feeling paralyzed, finding it hard to get things done, and never asking for support or help.”

Yup. I didn’t know that, but now I do. That’s me. Last week I talked about asking for help. Maybe that was an invitation to Maggie’s motivation to come home. Or maybe I was just ready. I don’t know.

It kinda doesn’t matter. I mean, I’d love to know the secret so I can use it next time. But next time will be a different set of circumstances, so I’m not going to waste much energy on analyzing it.

I am going to welcome her and entice her to stay. I’ll listen and pay attention and do some of the things she wants to do. They’re good ideas, anyway. I do feel better when I work out hard. I like being in the back yard after the clean up. My skin is better after I put on moisturizer (yeah, some days I was really under-functioning!)

I am NOT going to chase her off by going into frantic over-achieving mode. If I’ve learned anything from this stay at home time (and I’ve learned lots), I’ve learned that there is a much more natural pace of life than the one from “before.” I need time for being – not being busy, just being.

You know what else I’ve noticed? Maggie’s motivation learned some style tips on her sabbatical, too. She isn’t lecturing me, she isn’t berating me, she isn’t shaming me. She’s not planting new worries. She’s got some finesse – “Hey, let’s go do this. It’ll feel so good afterwards. You’ll be happy you did.”

It’s about the return. When we open up, it’s gonna be gradual.

We will have to ease into it ourselves, so we don’t go into shock.

Maybe we won’t want to return to exactly how things were before. I know that I don’t.

I’m taking a bit of time to dream about what I want the return to be. Then I’ll plan, then I’ll do. Because that’s how to ease into it (I love ease) and how to make it so (I also love Captain Picard).

****

Remember this: you are loved.

Let’s all be kind.

And remember: in all things – progress, not perfection!

Love and light, Maggie

*****

p.s. The colors are changing. The onion is coming – The Rainbow Onion.

The Rainbow Onion is my next book. It’s about Color Thinking. And Hope. And Transformation. I’m going to need a book launch team. If you’re interested in finding out more, let me know.

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